Wow 2010

January 10, 2010

2010 has gotten off to quite the start. As the reality of my decision finally has some time to sink in, I find myself… well… depressed… Returning from Vermont was a whirlwind of goodbyes and sudden hellos to everything in Boston I had left behind for the month. Then the holidays were a great distraction—lounging at home with family and old friends—then it was New Years, which I was utterly unprepared for, but still a nice distraction. Before I knew it, I was back in Vermont for some training at the studio center. I moved tools and supplies into what will be my studio for the next year, cleaned out and set up my desk in the office, met my future roommate, checked out the giant apartment that we will share, and even spent the night in my soon-to-be bed. Being back so soon was surreal… the place was unchanged; same buildings, studios, food, but all the people were different. I showed new residents into rooms and studios that some of my best friends had transformed just weeks earlier and all the associations of those spaces with those people were instantly overrun by new residents moving in and taking over. As I rounded the bend approaching the center, the sight of the first studio building, Barbara White, made my heart leap out of my chest, and leaving from that building (where my studio will be located) the next day was an equally odd sensation, but for different reasons. Now I am back in Boston for three weeks; back in the old pre-Vermont routine and, well, it is strange. The day to day motions are the same, but it all feels quite different. This weekend was the first time life calmed down enough for all of this to really sink in—free of distractions—and I find I don’t know what to make of it! I am thrilled to be going to Vermont and certainly don’t regret that decision, but am also completely overwhelmed. Every aspect of my life is about to change. The only constant will be me, my work, and my cat, and even those are likely to shift in unforeseen ways. Relationships, apartment, friends, city, mobility, job, income, even silly things like diet, internet access, mail and laundry are all going to change pretty drastically. Obviously I am over thinking everything, but I think that is just par for the course. Hopefully this weekend will be the last of the depressed, over thinking, sorrowful crap and I can get on track with getting all the things done that need to happen before I leave. Somehow it just feels like a lot of the things that seemed so important in 2009 have flown out the window and what is left for 2010 is anyone’s guess…

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